1 00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:05,880 Of course I can't make you a cortado. 2 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:08,880 Well done, Robin. 3 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:12,480 That's on the cusp of going off. 4 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,200 Come on, Mum, Ethel's going to be here any minute. 5 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,200 So, Mum, the code is one cry, 6 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:21,280 "Waarg!" - yeah, is green. 7 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:23,680 Two cries, "Waargh, waargh!" - is red. 8 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:26,000 Three cries, "Waargh, waargh, waargh...!" 9 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,240 We know what the cries sound like, you don't need to keep doing them. 10 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,360 ..is yellow. And four cries... Oh, my God. 11 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:33,560 "Waargh, waargh, waargh, waargh...!" 12 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:38,400 All right. I've got tinnitus. ..is blue. OK? So the code is one, green, 13 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,920 two, red, three, yellow, four, blue. You got that? 14 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:42,000 We've all got that. 15 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,720 Just, I'm very bad at learning codes is all. 16 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:48,520 That's why I had to change me PIN to 1111. 17 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:50,280 Yeah, stop telling people that, Mum. Good to know. 18 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:54,800 As a rule, do not say any anecdotes that involve you revealing your PIN! 19 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:56,520 All right, keep your wig on! 20 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:58,800 And if you're still not sure, or you can't hear anything, 21 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,920 just say, "Is the baby all right?" and I'll do it again. 22 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:04,120 Is the baby all right? And I'll do it again. 23 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,480 No, I mean, where is the baby? No, yeah, 24 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:09,560 he's upstairs in his hush-a-bye snoozy baby sleep pod. 25 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,160 What, sleeping? Well, I hope so, 26 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,520 yeah, that is what it's for. Yeah, OK, and, Mum, 27 00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:16,840 Mum, it's really important that you keep a poker face. 28 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:20,080 Well, UNO face. Exactly. What's an UNO face? 29 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,520 Just don't move your face at all when you're playing, 30 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:25,920 Sue, so just... Like this. What, like that? Like that. That's fine. 31 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,360 That's good.I've actually got a Botox cream in my bag 32 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,240 that'll do that for you. Well, I think it's probably worth a go. 33 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,640 Mm. It does burn a bit, though, so... 34 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:37,080 I mean, it really burns. Even so... No, it really burns. 35 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,920 Do not use it on your scrotum, Sue, trust me. 36 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,640 Well, no, I won't. Well, I can't. Yeah. Yeah, fair point. 37 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:44,320 Why did he put it on his scrotum, Robin? 38 00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:47,080 Well, because it claimed to be anti-wrinkle, didn't it, babe? 39 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:48,480 So I thought I'd give it a proper challenge. 40 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,680 And it failed. Right. Badly. So did I, in a way. 41 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:55,000 My God! Well, she won't need any creams. 42 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,400 Just relax, Sue, you know, try to enjoy it, 43 00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:01,360 it might be fun. Fun? Of course it won't! 44 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,040 I mean, I'd feel like I'm on the James Bond show! 45 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:07,200 On the...? They're films, Mum, they're films, famously. 46 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,720 DOORBELL RINGS 47 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,360 Oh, gosh. There she is. 48 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,680 OK, here we go. Down it, down it, down it! Go easy on the sherry, Mum! 49 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:16,120 They're tiny glasses, mate, grow up. 50 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,800 It's all right, it's not Ethel, 51 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:21,760 it's just Amy and her trophy. OK. 52 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,400 Is everything all right? 53 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:27,000 This is his dummy here, Sue. Just stick that in his gob 54 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,440 if he gets, like, hungry or annoying or whatever. 55 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:35,560 Yeah. This is his sensory baby activity sheet. 56 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:38,280 It's just tinfoil, isn't it? What? It better not be. 57 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:39,800 That cost me 25 quid. Is it? 58 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,480 This is his monkey here, look. 59 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,600 Hey, Madame Coconut. 60 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:46,200 She has a French accent and loves cheese when I do her. 61 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,480 If you want to do that, or...no? 62 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,800 I'll just sing to him, cos that's what I did last time. 63 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,920 Well, you can go outside if you do that, Mum, I can't be listening 64 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:56,280 to you singing Wind the Bobbin Up for five hours again. 65 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:59,760 I love that tune. This is his baby monitor here, look. Muslins. 66 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:00,840 Keep an eye on him. 67 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:04,400 You will be back from the gym by three, won't you? 68 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,720 Because I'm going to Mecca later. Oh, not again. 69 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:11,800 Really? Well, I go with Bren every Tuesday afternoon! 70 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:14,080 To Mecca? Yeah. Wow! That's... 71 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:17,440 No, she's talking about Mecca Bingo in Bedford. 72 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:19,560 Oh. Yeah, I'm sorry, the bingo. SHE LAUGHS 73 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:22,040 Not the religious hot spot. 74 00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,600 That's a lot closer, yeah. 75 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:26,160 She doesn't do a weekly haj, as far as I know. 76 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:27,440 She may as well. 77 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:28,560 She could have gone to Mecca 78 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:30,840 several times with the money she's lost playing bingo. 79 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:34,800 Oh, don't be so daft! Gambling is very serious, 80 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,800 Mum, isn't it, Rach? Rachel? Yes? As a counsellor, 81 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,160 can you please say something? Yeah. Just empty it. 82 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:43,280 Don't just squash it down. But here's loads of space. 83 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:44,360 This is why we get bin juice, 84 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:46,920 because you squeeze rubbish like a cider press! 85 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,320 There's more space than you think! 86 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,760 Just empty it! Why won't you just empty it? You'll wake Atlas! 87 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:52,840 I'll pop him in the garden for you, 88 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,040 Cheryl. Oh, sorry, just before you do, 89 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:58,000 Sue, I've got a little gift for Sam, under the buggy. 90 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,160 Oh, cool. Cheers, Robin. What is it? 91 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,760 It's a Premier League sticker album plus two free packets. 92 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,560 I thought you might want to start collecting, so... 93 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,480 Oh. Oh, my God, you are unbelievable. 94 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,000 DOORBELL RINGS 95 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,200 What do you mean?Doorbell, someone? You're just trying to get 96 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,920 him into the stickers so that you, Dean and Jelson have someone else 97 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,040 to swap with. What? 98 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:18,280 That's...no. It's just a bit of fun. 99 00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:20,960 No? I'll go. It's an addiction, 100 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,480 Robin, you are a stick-aholic. 101 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,880 Well, no, cos that would mean he's addicted to sticks. 102 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:29,000 Amy, hi. Is that for washing? 103 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,640 No, it's my towel and clean undies, 104 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,440 I'm for washing. Why can't you do that at home? 105 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:35,960 Well, because Maya's always accusing 106 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,120 me of staying in and sitting in the bath all day, so... 107 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,120 OK, so you've gone out to sit in the bath all day? 108 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,000 Well, I'm proving her wrong, yes. 109 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:43,600 Things feeling a bit rocky between you two, are they? 110 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,640 We fell out about what to name our hamster. Hi, everyone. 111 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,800 Hi, Amy. Oh! Go on, what names have you got? 112 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:50,720 Well, she wants to call it Mrs Biscuit. 113 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:51,840 RACHEL LAUGHS 114 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:53,240 I want to call it Sylvia Plath. 115 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:56,480 Oh. Two very different ideas there. Well, anyway, we can't decide, 116 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:58,760 so currently it's called The Hamster. 117 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,200 Like Richard Hammond! Oh, yeah. 118 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,200 In fact, that's a great name for a hamster. It's Richard Hammond. 119 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:06,240 You two need to try couples therapy, trust me. 120 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,640 We worked through tons of stuff on ours, didn't we, babe? 121 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:11,320 Yeah, I mean, I didn't actually speak during it, but... 122 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:14,160 What did you do? I just made notes, you know. 123 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,720 You've had couples therapy? Yeah. Why didn't you...? 124 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:18,760 I could have given you couples therapy. 125 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:23,560 I would have done it for free. Well, you get what you pay for, don't you? 126 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,120 And ours was with my therapist mate, 127 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,080 Amber, so I felt very safe. God, I didn't. 128 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:30,440 She tore me several new ones. 129 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:32,760 I need real-life case studies as well, 130 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,320 so it's a shame. Well, just talk 131 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:35,880 to Mum about her bingo addiction, then, 132 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,520 like I've been asking you. Yes. No, I will, I will. OK. 133 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:41,960 Actually, Amy, it's not a bad idea, you know, couples therapy. 134 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,280 You and Maya do argue quite a lot. Yeah. 135 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,840 It's improved Robin loads. 136 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,720 Dream man. No. Apart from the sticker bit, 137 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:51,480 he hasn't managed to shake that. 138 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,360 Well, no, they're sticky, so... 139 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,040 Sticky. SHE LAUGHS 140 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,960 We might need to go back to Amber, actually. Well, no, no, 141 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,720 come on, babe, we don't need to go back to Amber. 142 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:00,360 I'll give up the stickers, I promise, I will. 143 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,760 Don't make me go back to Amber, please. 144 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:04,440 Come in this way, please, Mum. What's all this? 145 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:07,480 You'll see. Oh, hi, Amy, love! Hi, Granny. 146 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,760 Hello, hello. Rachel wants to speak to you. 147 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:12,600 Do I? Yeah, she does. What, now? Yes, now. 148 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,400 Oh, God. Oh, OK. OK. Erm, well... 149 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:18,360 We're really worried about you, Mum... 150 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,840 Well, we're not really worried... ..about your gambling. 151 00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:22,840 Don't! So we're staging an intervention. No, that's not 152 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:23,920 what we're doing, we're not. 153 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,360 Please do not intervene on my intervention, Rachel. 154 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,040 This is not how an intervention is done. 155 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:29,640 I'm so sorry, Sue. 156 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,440 Am I not going to bingo later on? Of course you are, do what you like. 157 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:34,480 Because I'll need to tell Bren if not. 158 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,000 I'm saying no to bingo. 159 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,760 You can't forbid her from doing something she wants. 160 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:43,600 No, all it is, Sue, is that we're worried that going to Mecca Bingo 161 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,960 so often isn't that healthy. 162 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,480 I don't eat there! 163 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:51,120 No, no, not like that. More... You're spaffing my inheritance, Mum. 164 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,240 No. Well, she is. It's nothing to do... 165 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:58,560 It's gambling. The high from gambling is highly addictive. 166 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:00,680 And what we're worried about... 167 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:03,320 I'm up! I've made more than I've lost. 168 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,240 Have you? Really? How much have you made, then? 169 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:09,960 Erm, about £140. Oh, that's fine, then! 170 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:13,560 No, it's not fine, it's not fine. That's not the point. 171 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,720 Well, it is slightly the point! Keep going, I reckon, Sue. 172 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:19,000 You're making money. Things can go very wrong in gambling, 173 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,360 very fast.Well, yeah, but they haven't gone wrong... Rachel. 174 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:24,080 Well, I know, but...well, OK. But she's doing.... 175 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:27,960 It's a slippery slope. Yeah. It's a super-slippery slope. Mm-hm. 176 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:29,520 These bingo halls, they do 177 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:33,000 everything they can to reel you in and clean you out. 178 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,800 And if you're saving up for a round-the-world trip, 179 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,640 Mum, it's a bad idea. A really bad idea. 180 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:40,960 Right, yes, well... Relax. ..there is a lady at Mecca called Ethel... 181 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,040 Cool. 182 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,600 ..and she's always inviting me over to play, erm, 183 00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,240 what do you call it? UNO. OK. 184 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:48,720 Oh, my God, UNO! That's what I was going to... 185 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:52,520 Well, yeah, great! Stick to UNO! Where's my UNO trophy? 186 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:55,480 Erm, they're with your dad's archery ones, I think. Why? 187 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,800 Maya doesn't believe I was the under-sevens champion. 188 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:01,000 Champion? Champion of what? Oh, a county or something. 189 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,840 Oh, look, here we go. County champion? 190 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:06,320 "Amy, UNO champ. The best girl in Bedford." Cool! 191 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,600 At least! Wow! Did you win a tournament, then, or something? 192 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:12,080 I guess. Can't remember. It's going in the flat, though, 193 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:13,600 in front of Maya's trampolining ones. 194 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,000 Well, don't... See how she likes that...apple. 195 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:20,520 Yeah, Amy... No, no, no, no, no. No. What? What is it? 196 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:21,920 DOOR SLAMS 197 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,400 Oh, my God. Did you leave the front door open? 198 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:26,360 Because it does that if the back door's open, too. 199 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:28,160 You didn't close it either! Well, no, I know that. 200 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,600 ATLAS CRIES 201 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:32,040 Oh, God! Now look at what you've done, you dipstick! 202 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:33,280 I'm coming, Atlas! 203 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,120 Oh, Mum, no, I can't cope with that. 204 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:39,800 Sam, can you shut the door, please? 205 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,360 I just got it out my head. 206 00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,680 Oh, my God! 207 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:50,720 HE SIGHS 208 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,720 I can still hear her! 209 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,600 Oh, no, Amy! Oh, dear! 210 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,240 What's going on? Me and Maya broke up. 211 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,640 SHE SNIFFS 212 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,600 "Maya and I." But, yeah, oh, dear, oh, dear. 213 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:06,720 What's happened this time, babe? Yeah, well, 214 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,600 Mum gave us couples therapy is what happened. 215 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,560 Oh, hang on, that's not why you... 216 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:12,680 She told Maya we're not compatible. 217 00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:15,560 Well, no, I ask questions. I certainly didn't tell her anything. 218 00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:17,160 And took her side on everything. 219 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,680 Don't blame your mother. Slagging me off, comparing me to Dad. 220 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,960 Well, they're two different things, aren't they? 221 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,360 You're a menace. 222 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,280 You shouldn't be let anywhere near counselling. 223 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:28,120 Oh, it'll blow over. 224 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:31,200 Maya said I'm feckless. Wow, that's bang out of order, that is, innit? 225 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,400 Yeah. Is it? What does that mean? 226 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:36,120 Well, it's a smushing together of effing and useless, isn't it? 227 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,400 It's not. Is it not? No. I'll tell you what, 228 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,640 I'll Google it, hang on.Who's going to keep the hamster? 229 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:42,400 Who's going to keep the flat, more to the point. 230 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,320 I can't think about that right now. 231 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,400 "Feckless - lacking purpose and strength of character. 232 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:48,880 "Incompetent." Yeah, I do know this one. 233 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,800 I've been called this before, actually. 234 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,960 Right, you see? You are not feckless, Amy! 235 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:57,080 No. I mean, you started a band, for one thing.Yeah! Amen. 236 00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,040 I mean, that takes a lot of feck. 237 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:01,000 And you're certainly not incompetent. 238 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,400 Is this even real? 239 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:05,280 Did I actually win best girl in Bedford? 240 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:08,720 I mean, even as I asked that, I realised I definitely didn't. 241 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,720 You... You didn't... 242 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,880 ..you didn't get anything at school prize-giving, so... 243 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:16,080 You gave me a fake trophy? Oh, my God, that's tragic! 244 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:18,120 Well, we thought it might cheer you up, you know? 245 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:19,560 Well, that didn't work, did it, though? 246 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:22,040 No. Look at me. It worked pretty well at the time, 247 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,760 to be fair. Oh, no, Amy, please... 248 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,120 HE SIGHS 249 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,360 I'll call Maya, I'll try and talk to her. 250 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,000 I think you've done enough, don't you? 251 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:32,320 Oh, hello. Ethel Ticehurst, here to play UNO. 252 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:35,960 Yeah. Oh, hello, Ethel. Oh, come in. 253 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,560 SHE LAUGHS 254 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,040 This is my family. Hello. 255 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:42,160 Ethel Ticehurst. Yeah, you said that. 256 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,680 Oh, can I take your coat, Ethel? No, thank you. 257 00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:47,520 Why is he filming me? Oh, yeah, he will do that. 258 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,840 We can ask him to stop. And I'll say no, so... 259 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,600 Well, it doesn't matter. 260 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,480 The Government are watching me anyway. 261 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:56,120 Huh? Oh, are they? Why? 262 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,600 They want to know everything I'm up to, don't they? 263 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,800 What are you up to? Nothing. 264 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:03,480 I'm not sure why they'd be doing that, then. 265 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:06,560 For control. Right. Hence the "plandemic". 266 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:09,080 Ah, she's one of them. So where are we playing, then, 267 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:12,200 Sue? Oh! Oh, yes. Yes, this way. Go through. This way. 268 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,080 Yeah, there might be 269 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:19,160 a baby crying now and then on a monitor over there. 270 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,560 Erm, yeah, he's just in the other room, 271 00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:24,120 and he is a very bad sleeper. HE LAUGHS 272 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,200 OK, Dad. 273 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:28,000 Would you like a sherry, Ethel? I brought me own, thanks. 274 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,240 Right. 275 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:32,520 I don't drink from open bottles, in case they've been spiked 276 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:36,280 with drugs, or poison, or both. 277 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,320 You brought your own glass as well! 278 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,000 And I don't like leaving my DNA, 279 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,600 in case people try to clone me. 280 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:47,040 Yeah, well, we won't be doing that. Dad, she can't sit there, 281 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,440 that's the wrong chair... 282 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,200 Yeah, sorry, Ethel, yeah, you can't... 283 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:55,200 This is your chair. Why? Erm, well, 284 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,240 that's my mum's special one - isn't it, Mum? 285 00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,720 They're exactly the same! 286 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,680 Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right, sorry. 287 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,760 I love that chair, Ethel. Loves it. 288 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,680 Specifically that one! 289 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,600 THEY CHUCKLE 290 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,160 It's the way it is, innit? Yeah. Chairs. 291 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:14,480 Relax, Dad. And, erm... 292 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:17,000 OK. That's set. Good. 293 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:22,040 Good game, ladies. Dad... I bid you good game. Stop talking, Dad. 294 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,440 Where are the Jammy Dodgers, Mum? 295 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:26,840 Huh? Oh, I think you ate them. Well, yeah, 296 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:30,040 but did you buy any more? Oh, no, I must have forgotten, sorry. 297 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,480 Is she coming? It's 1.30. Yeah, I know. 298 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:36,520 Welcome to my world. She'll be late. She's coming from work. 299 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:39,440 Oh. Oh, is that for us? Can I have Fanta instead? 300 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:41,680 That's not the way therapy works, you don't get to choose the drink. 301 00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:45,200 Did you get Fanta, Granny? Oh, no, sorry, love. 302 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,600 Oh! Is everything all right, Mum? Yeah, I just... 303 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,000 KNOCK ON DOOR 304 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,040 Here's Robin and the Merry Men. 305 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:53,600 I mean, why are all three of them here? 306 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,360 Oh, God. Hi, guys. Oi, oi. Didn't want to ring 307 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,240 the bell in case the boy wonder was napping. 308 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,280 How's he doing, Sue, all right? Yeah, well, 309 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,600 he downed his bottle, did a poo, and fell asleep. 310 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:06,320 - Like father, like son, innit? - Hey! He's pure class. 311 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:08,160 Sh, the baby. That's fine. 312 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:10,040 Hi, Robin, and the rest of you. 313 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:13,320 Not being rude, but why are you all here? Yes. All right, Rachel? 314 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,640 Like the old sexy secretary thing. What? Thank you. 315 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:17,200 Old-school. 316 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,720 We're not here to hang about, we're just here to, erm... 317 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,880 Come on, then, Sam. What? What do you mean? Let the cat see the flap. 318 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,840 Get your swapsies out, boy. Oh, no, sorry, I haven't been collecting 319 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:27,960 the stickers.What? I thought you gave him an album. 320 00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:29,120 I did, no, I did! 321 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,400 Yeah, that doesn't mean I'm going to spend a fortune filling it in. 322 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:34,080 I mean... Oh, go on. I've skived off the garden centre for this! 323 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:35,160 I didn't ask you to do that. 324 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,000 I'm going to get in trouble with Mr Peters! 325 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,800 I can't keep buying packets until I complete the album, lad, 326 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,880 it'll clean me out! Yeah. I've already sold my car. 327 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:42,840 - Oh, my God, have you? - What? 328 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:44,160 I have, yeah.I mean, 329 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,320 none of this is my fault. - Well...- I mean, well, 330 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,360 maybe just don't complete the album. Oh, shut up, Paul! 331 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:50,720 Not an option, not an option. 332 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,680 Have any of your mates at school got them? 333 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,880 I think they've all grown out of that now.Yeah, quite. 334 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:56,400 Why haven't you three grown out of it? 335 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,840 Oh, that's the thing. You grow out of it, 336 00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:59,520 and then eventually you grow back into it. 337 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,760 And what about Cherry? You told her you were stopping. 338 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:04,120 I will stop once I've completed the album. 339 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:05,680 Don't tell her that is the plan. 340 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:06,760 Please don't tell her. OK. 341 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,800 I think I've seen some of the junior school kids collecting. 342 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,840 OK, perfect. Perfect? I'm not sure three blokes loitering outside 343 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:14,760 a junior school approaching little kids is perfect. 344 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,840 Oh, come off it, love. Not all men are nonces. 345 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,120 No, but all nonces are men. 346 00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:21,840 Mm. Hmm. Just trying to get my brain round that. 347 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:24,320 Oh, it's deep, it's proper deep. DOORBELL RINGS 348 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:26,000 Ah, that's Maya. OK, 349 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,400 so we're going to be in the lounge, so please do not disturb us. 350 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,280 OK. Paolo, can you shut the back door in case the 351 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:32,760 front one slams again? Yeah, yeah. OK. This way. 352 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:34,040 DOOR SHUTS 353 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,440 Here we go.So are we doing swaps, or what? 354 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,200 Well, there's no point, is there? 355 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,240 Hi. All right? 356 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,880 Oh, hi, Rachel. Sorry I'm late, I got stuck at the office. 357 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:45,280 Yeah, Maya works extremely hard, in case you didn't pick up on it. 358 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,440 That's not what I was saying. I've got time to kill. 359 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,880 Ah, stop bickering. Oh, it's her, this is what she does! 360 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:51,920 I know. You know? You're meant to be impartial. Yeah. 361 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,320 Let's start again. Erm... 362 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,840 OK.Good luck. 363 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,680 Right, let's get this 364 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:02,280 sleeping beauty out of here. 365 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:03,680 I'll bag up Atlas's shit. 366 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:07,200 Yeah, I've done that, Robin, he's got a new nappy on. 367 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,320 No, sorry, Sue, I mean his, you know, baby gubbins. 368 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,120 Do you fancy collecting the stickers, Sue? 369 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:15,040 Oh, that's very kind of you, Dean.I'm not sure it is. 370 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:18,640 But, no, money's a bit tight at the moment for that. 371 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:21,760 What? What do you mean, Mum? Where's his monitor, Sue? 372 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:24,440 Oh, well, the screen's on the table, 373 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,280 but he napped in the lounge, so the camera's in there. 374 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:29,120 Ah, gotcha, OK. Mum, what's... 375 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:30,600 Ooh, Mum's counselling 376 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,200 Amy and Maya in the lounge. Yeah, well, don't listen in, 377 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,760 Sam, it's meant to be private! 378 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:37,920 I AM listening. So am I. Definitely. Guys, we can't do it! 379 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:41,040 Hang about, I'll turn it up. 380 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:42,640 She's not even made the bed. 381 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:45,480 Bed. Oi, oi!Yeah, because I'm against making beds on principle. 382 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:47,840 Oh, OK, yeah. That's handy. We're only going to 383 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:49,240 get back in there again, there's no point. 384 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,440 Then, what about emptying the bins? 385 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,000 Oh, there's no point in doing that if you just squish it back down. 386 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,040 There's so much more space than you think. 387 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,720 You see, that's exactly like Paul. 388 00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:58,960 Oh, don't bring me into it. That's how you get bin juice. 389 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:00,920 I know! I keep telling him to empty it, 390 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,440 but he just doesn't do it. I will. I said I would, and I will. 391 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,560 She can't hear you, Dad! Unless you press the talk button here. 392 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,200 Don't do that! I won't! They'll know that we're listening! All right! 393 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,680 I can't deal with your apathy. 394 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,240 Apathy. Mum... Yeah. 395 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,800 I can't deal with your judgment all the time. 396 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,600 Yeah, well, when people have different values, 397 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,280 it can put pressure on a relationship. 398 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:19,360 Values? 399 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,000 Particularly if money's tight, which it will be. 400 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,720 You think we have different values? Well, it might explain 401 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:25,960 why you keep breaking up. 402 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,440 But we don't want you to explain it, Mum, we want you to fix it. 403 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,440 Yeah, I know, but you can't necessarily fix something 404 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,600 if there's just, you know, basic lack of compatibility. 405 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:36,560 Oh, my God, what are you doing? Do you want a biscuit? 406 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,120 I'm going to turn it down, this has got... 407 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,680 Well, hang on. This isn't fun any more. It's not fun any more, 408 00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:42,840 it's getting aggie. All right, all right, chill out. 409 00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,480 Mum... 410 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:50,040 ..what were you saying earlier about money being tight? 411 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:51,320 Has something happened? 412 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:56,280 Oh, well, promise you won't be angry with me? 413 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:59,120 Well, it depends what it is. I won't be. 414 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:01,360 Mm. 415 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:06,920 I lost £1,500. Oh! "Lost"? How? 416 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:10,640 Oh, Mum. Did you go back to Mecca? I told you, 417 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,920 it's a super-slippery slope! 418 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,560 No, this is playing UNO with Ethel. 419 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:17,840 What? You lost £1,500 playing UNO? 420 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:19,960 Well, how did this even happen? 421 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,320 Ethel kept topping up me sherry and doubling each hand. 422 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:23,880 Classic. 423 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:27,880 She took £900 off Lyn West, apparently. 424 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,920 I only found out afterwards. You got rolled, Sue, 425 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:34,840 it does happen. Oh, Mum, what were you thinking? 426 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:36,880 You're the one who told her to play UNO. 427 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,360 Yeah, I didn't know there's a gambling version of UNO, Sam! 428 00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:41,680 Oh, yeah! 429 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:43,200 It's big in India. 430 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,480 Well, I'll never know now. 431 00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:49,560 I can't afford me big trip after this.I'm such an idiot! 432 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:52,640 No, no, Mum. No. 433 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,640 We'll get it back. How do we get it back? 434 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,480 Only one way to do that. How? Double or quits, innit? 435 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:01,680 It is. Rematch. Yeah, exactly. 436 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:05,120 The only way to guarantee you don't lose when you gamble, 437 00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:09,360 you keep gambling. Well, that's appalling advice! 438 00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:10,440 Is it? 439 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,640 And this Ethel woman is clearly an UNO, you know, 440 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:18,480 grandmaster. Mum will just get cleaned out again! 441 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,240 Well, not necessarily. Hmm? 442 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,560 What do you mean? OK, so what's...? 443 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:28,080 Ooh, Ethel hasn't got any reds. Sue should play a red. 444 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,840 Sue should play a red. Press the talk button now. 445 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:36,000 HE IMITATES BABY CRYING 446 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,000 You'd have been a great baby. I was. Were you? 447 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:41,120 Right, let me just... I'll look next door. 448 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,120 Oh! UNO. 449 00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:48,360 Look, you just got lucky, that's all. It won't last! 450 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:55,240 And that's 3-0. Ach! 451 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:59,720 And it goes up to £400 a hand. My deal. Oh! 452 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,600 DOORBELL RINGS 453 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,840 Oh, I'll get it. No, you won't. OK, cool. 454 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:11,520 Erm, let's talk. Oh, hi, Maya. In here. 455 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:14,000 Yeah, good idea, good idea. Not you, Mum. 456 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,080 Oh, my God! 457 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:20,080 What's happened? She's snapped her UNO trophy. 458 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:24,880 Maybe help Robin with his sticker habit instead, Mum? 459 00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:27,680 Sam, I can't keep driving you in like this. 460 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:30,040 All right. Stop filming. Put the camera down! 461 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:33,320 I am, I am. Hang on. Is that Robin? 462 00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:36,040 Children, back in class, please! 463 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:37,560 Oh, my God! Oh, no, no. 464 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,400 Come on, back in class. We're just doing some swapsies. 465 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:42,480 You guys, you should know better, hanging round outside a school. 466 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:43,960 He's still got my Phil Foden. 467 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:47,600 Get away! Aiden! Aiden! Where do you live? 468 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,880 We'll be back at three o'clock. I know what you look like. 469 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:51,440 Wait, what's your address? Come on, come on. 470 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,880 We can hit up St Helens. It's only down there. 471 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,120 OK, let's go. Get in the car. 472 00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:56,480 See, they'll be on break in about 45 minutes. 473 00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:57,560 Come on, let's run. OK. 474 00:19:57,560 --> 00:19:59,640 HE CHUCKLES 475 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:01,680 Waargh! 476 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:03,720 Let's try... 477 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:04,800 Ah! 478 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:08,160 Waargh! 479 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:13,360 On Satan's smelly old bum hole! 480 00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:14,960 Waargh! Now, then. 481 00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,600 Wait! 482 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:21,920 Oh, is the baby all right? Is the baby all right? 483 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,160 Anyone?Just picked up a green. 484 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:25,520 Put the talk back off. 485 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:29,280 What was that? Oh, they must be in there 486 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:30,760 just trying to soothe him. 487 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:36,600 Waargh, waarrgh, waargh, waargh! Blue. 488 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:41,080 OK, so...UNO. 489 00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,640 And game. 490 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,920 Something's off here, I can feel it in me waters. 491 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:53,080 Oh, that'll be the humbugs, Ethel, they always give me the squits. 492 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,560 We can stop if you like. No. 493 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,360 I'm having a mint fag. 494 00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:00,120 Wow, that's a big box. 495 00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:02,920 I only trust fags imported from Turkey. 496 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:06,880 Right. Bill Gates puts nanobots and asbestos in our ones. 497 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,480 I mean, he doesn't, but, whatever. 498 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:10,960 HE MIMICS BOXER 499 00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,800 Anyone who doubts you ever has to go. 500 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,320 Yah, yah, yah, yah! 501 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:16,840 ROBIN CHUCKLES 502 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,480 So you're beating her, then? 503 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:22,800 Oh, we are beating her like an...egg. 504 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:26,160 Yeah. Yeah, we're beating her into stiff, 505 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:30,000 glossy peaks, the...can I say, "Bitch?" No, absolutely not. 506 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,720 I wasn't going to. 507 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,600 SHE SIGHS 508 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,720 How's Amy? Oh, God, the usual, you know, hates me, 509 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,680 thinks I'm a terrible counsellor/mum. 510 00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:40,760 Maybe she's right, maybe I should pack it in. 511 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,720 What, being her mother? 512 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,880 No, being a counsellor. 513 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:46,520 Ah! Yeah, yeah, I see. 514 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,600 Well, maybe it's not for me. No. 515 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,840 What do you think? 516 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,520 I mean, maybe you should speak to a counsellor. 517 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:59,000 Thank you.- Well done, Dad. Ah.- Oh, here she is! 518 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:03,120 Hey, Mum. Oh, yeah! Huh? Well done. Sit down, babe. 519 00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:06,520 How are you feeling?I'm absolutely shattered after that. 520 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:08,120 Oh, well, come here, champ. I got you. 521 00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:09,280 SHE SIGHS 522 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,080 I'm actually happy to stop now, 523 00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,520 because I've nearly made the money back that I need 524 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:18,400 for me round-the-world trip. Wow! Don't you mean "across-the-world"? 525 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,760 You can't go around it, it's flat. 526 00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:25,040 Well, it's not, but, OK. And we're not stopping, thank you. 527 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:28,160 Whoa. Double or quits. All in. 528 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,760 Wow, that is a serious wad of cash. 529 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:33,840 That is one cheeky chunk. 530 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:37,040 I carry all my money at all times in cash, 531 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,120 just to be safe. Safe? That's not safe. 532 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:42,920 You want to put it in a safe if you want it to be safe, or, 533 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,520 you know, a bank. I don't use banks, thank you. 534 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:47,200 They're all owned by paedophiles. 535 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:52,320 Oh, no! Are they? Well, no, Sue, I mean, why would they be? 536 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:56,920 Banks, politics, Hollywood, Happy Eater, all run by paedos, 537 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,160 they're everywhere. Happy Eater? 538 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,440 There were some at my nephew's school last week. 539 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:04,240 What, were there? Three of the sickos were caught 540 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,000 bothering the little 'uns. 541 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:09,160 Claimed they were trying to swap football stickers, 542 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:12,840 but they were definitely paedos, apparently, from the look of them. 543 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:21,720 Oh...my...God. I know. Come on, Sue, one last round. 544 00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:24,920 Three grand, winner takes all. You get her, Mum! 545 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,960 All right. You got this, you got this! 546 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,080 Go on, Granny. SHE SIGHS 547 00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,240 I've so nearly completed the album. It's just... 548 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:35,720 It's actually gross, it's gross. 549 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:37,400 You and your weird little friends are gross. 550 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,280 I've got 37 stickers to go, I can't stop now. 551 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,640 I can't stop now, babe. I've had a child with you. 552 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,680 Do you know how embarrassing. that is? It's embarrassing. 553 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,960 I can't. Babe, can we just talk about it at home? 554 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:50,000 You are not going home tonight, you are sleeping here with Atlas. 555 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,920 And tomorrow I am calling Amber. 556 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:56,200 Oh, no, please don't make me go back to Amber! Chez...! 557 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:59,280 We need couples therapy, Robin, 558 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:01,200 and you're paying for it. Shit. 559 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:04,600 CRYING FROM BABY MONITOR 560 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,720 Oh, my life! 561 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,160 It's times like this that make me wonder 562 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,480 if collecting football stickers is even worth it at all. 563 00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,600 I mean, of course it isn't, Robin. Hang on, 564 00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:19,800 back door's still open. Yeah, and? 565 00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:21,960 So that means that the front door's going to... 566 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:23,720 DOOR SLAMS ..do that. Ah! 567 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:27,880 Oh, what was that? Oh. Oh! Oh, no, that's... 568 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,520 What happened? Argh! Argh! Atlas! 569 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:33,320 The front door slammed again. Is the baby all right, Paul? 570 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,960 Is the baby all right? He's awake, Sue. The baby's awake. 571 00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:38,560 Yeah, we're sorry, Mum. 572 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:41,520 We didn't think he'd actually wake up. 573 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,720 What are you talking about? He's been crying all bloody night! 574 00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,920 Oh, yeah. Well, can you get him back to sleep, Robin? 575 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,600 Not normally, no. I'll try. 576 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:54,880 Well, do we stop, or what? No, we're not stopping! 577 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,200 So what do I...? You're just going to have to win, Mum. Oh. 578 00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:01,320 Like you've won every hand so far. 579 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:02,920 You can do it. SHE SIGHS 580 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:14,160 Yes. And pick up two! SHE LAUGHS 581 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,560 Put that in your arse and smoke it! What? 582 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:20,360 Oh, Maya, are you off? Erm, yeah, I, erm...Yep. 583 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:22,600 Bye, Rachel. 584 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:24,680 But thank you for everything. 585 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,240 Oh. Yes, no worries. 586 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:31,200 Bye. Bye, Maya. Bye. 587 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:39,640 Everything OK? 588 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,360 Uh-huh, all good. Oh, phew! SHE LAUGHS 589 00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:44,240 What a relief. I thought I'd ruined everything. 590 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:45,680 We broke up. OK. 591 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:47,040 But we had to. 592 00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:49,880 You were right. 593 00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,040 You said what we needed to hear. 594 00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:56,600 You're actually quite a good counsellor, it turns out. 595 00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:59,640 ATLAS CRIES IN DISTANCE 596 00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:06,080 That's wiped the grin off your chops, hasn't it? 597 00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:08,320 How's it going, Sam? This is the last hand. 598 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:11,080 They're playing for £3,000. Come on, Mum! 599 00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:12,560 Oh, good one. 600 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,640 Come on, Sue. 601 00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,360 Miss a go, 602 00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:27,640 and...Oh, no. 603 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:31,200 Yes! Eat that! Gobble that up! 604 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,680 No-one beats Ethel Veronica Ticehurst, no-one! 605 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,840 Oh, Mum. I'll be having this. 606 00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:39,400 Hang on. 607 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:41,840 What? You didn't say "UNO". 608 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:46,280 I did. She's right, you didn't. That's a two-card penalty. 609 00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:49,000 I did. Of course I did. You didn't, actually. 610 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,600 And I was filming it all, if you want to check. Ho-ho! 611 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:54,840 Pick up two, Ethel. Them's the rules. 612 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:56,440 SHE CHUCKLES 613 00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:58,600 Your go, then, Granny. Come on, Mum. 614 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:03,480 UNO. 615 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,440 UNO. 616 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:10,600 Game! THEY CHEER 617 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:11,760 Yes, Granny! 618 00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:15,880 You cheated! I don't know how, but you cheated me, 619 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:17,600 all of you! You're all in on it. 620 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:20,200 Yeah, all right, another conspiracy theory. 621 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:21,680 You're paranoid, mate! 622 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,520 Amy, Amy, you saved my bacon! 623 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:29,160 Yeah, never underestimate the under-sevens champion. 624 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:32,960 Still the best girl in Bedford. I still know the rules, yeah. 625 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,160 Actually, let's get our trophy. Where's our trophy? 626 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:38,480 Oh, I put it in the bin. Why did you put it in the bin? 627 00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:42,600 Get that camera out of my face, I feel like Princess Diana here. 628 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:45,200 Found it! She's still alive, you know, that was fake. 629 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:46,720 Cool. Bye. ATLAS CRIES 630 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:48,840 Oh, the baby's still crying. I should probably... 631 00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:52,000 No. Ta-da! 632 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:55,480 There you are! Yeah. Ha-ha-ha! 633 00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:56,880 THEY CHEER 634 00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:58,760 Yeah, yeah, now you're pleased I didn't empty the bin. 635 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:02,600 You're welcome! Don't kiss it, it's covered in salmon. Eurgh. 636 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,360 wind the bobbin up 637 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:11,080 wind it back again 638 00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,400 point to the floor 639 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,720 point to the door 640 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,680 one, two, three